I don’t believe in friendship.

There, I said it. Is that what you expected to hear? No, I suppose not, after I made that big to-do about you betraying my trust that one night. But you see, that’s where it all came together, as it usually does at some point. And I have you to thank.

I used to believe that nothing was worse than losing a friend. Nothing. I compromised myself and my family for the sake of my friends, because I didn’t want them to be lost. Yet here I am. The friends I was afraid of losing have been long gone. You know what the funny thing is? I don’t miss them. I don’t really care. I just have one question: why?

That’s my question to you. I don’t give a shit if at the end of this we end up moving on together or separately because, honestly, after that night I realized no one can be what I expect them to be forever. No one can give me selflessness and respect in the way that I deserve it. I love myself more than you possibly ever could, so why waste my time on people and their fickle emotions? 

Love is selfish, too selfish to exist without the benefit of romance. I thought I loved you in a platonic way, but the only time I could ever truly love you was when I was attracted to you. Then I couldn’t seem to let you go. But I can now.

No, I don’t believe in friendship. Or loyalty without sex, and even then it’s hard to come by. Thank you- for knocking me flat on my back and permitting me to find another way to get up. My gratitude is the best form of loyalty that I can offer you. So, thanks.